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What I do when I black out is none of my business.
Immature is a word boring people use to describe fun people.
I enjoy long walks away from responsibility.
My Living Will says it`s okay to pull the plug on me, but I`d like them to at least try jiggling it a few times first.
I sometimes worries about my short attention span, ...but not for very L... hey! ... look at that squirrel!
I really like that machine at the gym where you put money into it and snacks come out.
Have you ever noticed how people who play candy crush are always saying they need a life?
I liked your facebook update, only so I can unlike it.
I fell asleep with infomercials playing on the TV.... I woke up with a strange desire to do P90X with a Shake Weight while in my Snuggie
If there is not an open bar and a delicious cake at your wedding, I will take my gift card to Walmart back.
Someone has got to come up with a polite way to ask a fat girl if she`s pregnant.
Fun Prank: Put $1000 in an envelope and mail it to me.
People who say you can´t buy happiness just don´t know where to shop.
I`ve got a lot to unlearn.
FYI: I`m never gonna tell the person I`m meeting up with that you said hi.