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“One man’s trash is another man’s treasure” would be a terrible way to let your child know that they’re adopted.
What is the difference between a trapeze artist and a supermodel?. The trapeze artist has a cunning stunt.
What number SPF blocks people?
To trick people into thinking I understand things at a museum I stand in front of every painting and silently count to twenty.
You can test my patience all you want, but I’m never going to pass.
My friends think I never listen to their opinions... like I give a sh*t what they think.
is admitting to pushing Humpty Dumpty, he had it coming!!
The average power nap is 20 minutes. This works out well because I can fit 3 of them evenly into one hour.
Just read a book on quantum evolution. The idea is that quantum mechanics are involved in the process of evolution. I still say go to WalMart and then try to sell me on evolution....
Of course everyone deserves a 2nd chance, but I gave yours to someone else.
Is it weird that I`m 43 years old and have a secret handshake with 3 adults.....and my dog?
Setting an alarm is how we ruin days that haven`t even started yet.
If it makes you feel better, don’t call it “Premature Ejaculation.” Call it “Speed Dating”
New diet plan: murder all the skinny people.
I thought 50 shades of gray was just a makeup application guide for goth chicks