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What if Egyptians actually had a written language, then started using emojis, and that’s all that’s left?
Let´s drink tequila till you don´t remember what I suggest next..
Looks like Waldo got on the malasian plane.. well played waldo.. well played..
JOKE OF THE YEAR: Two women were sitting quietly together, minding their own business.
I don`t know what is longer. A microwave minute or a treadmill minute.
My "Do Not Disturb" facial expression is not working today.
Unless your kid’s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Red, Trees Are Red ... F*ck? my gardens on fire!
I don’t know who decided that high heels were just for women but…GOOD CALL.
If the world dosen`t end on the 21st, I sure do have a lot of MREs to gift wrap.
Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you`ll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief
If watching the big-screen TV with your pants off and a bag of Doritos is wrong, then they shouldn`t have couches at this Best Buy.
A group of toddlers is called a migraine
In a new study women with large a$$es live longer………the men who tell them live distinctively shorter lives.
I like working from home. It`s much more comfortable than sleeping in my cubicle.