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Spiders are the only web developers that are happy to find bugs.
Texting "Good Morning, Beautiful" will change a girl`s whole day. If you time it right, it will do the same for her boyfriend.
If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it and shove it up your a$$
Half the journey is knowing where you’re parked.
I bet my road rage would be taken more seriously if I spoke German
Screw Folgers, the best part of waking up is knowing I survived last night`s drinking.
I pay $200 a month for car insurance, I`ll run all the red lights I want
RAIN!!!! :) I guess my rain dances must have worked. Some people call it stumbling around... I call it rain dancing.
I was in a bar when a girl called me a cheapskate. So I threw her drink in her face.
You can`t always control who walks in to your life but you can control which window to throw them out.
Just knowing that I have successfully pissed you off again makes my day.
Mondays are middle finger approved
Would an obsession with the imperial measurement system be considered a foot fetish?
As I got older my six-pack turn into a keg.
I hope my liquor store is having an after Christmas sale!!