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Who´s up for Candyland? $20 buy in
My teen thought it`d be funny to post as me on Facebook. I laughed and laughed and changed the wi-fi password. Good times!
Some girls are so desperate. Who calls 3 times, leaves a voicemail, and sends a text?? Take a hint, mom.
Checklist: Poke People ? Delete People ? Block People ? Send Friend Requests ? Accept Friend Requests ? Ignore Chats ? Make Stupid Photoshop Pics With My Face ?....Morning chores all done.
great minds and dirty minds have something in common, they think alike
Actually baby, diamonds are a girls best friend, so technically I slept with your second best friend
I don`t like the term "stalker". I prefer "unpaid private investigator".
Ugh, I have an ingrown hair and it really hurts. This sounds like a job for medical marijuana.
Saw someone try and park a car for about 10 minutes. I didn’t see the person so I’m not going to assume what gender she was.
If someone says "I`m a sub-par golfer" does that mean they`re good at golf, or bad?
I’m not shy, I’m just really good out figuring out who is not worth talking to.
Why did the Fresh Prince have to take a cab anyways? How sh!tty was that family that no one would pick him up from the airport?
I saw Tom Hanks and asked for his autograph. He abbreviated it, and it just said "Thanks"
Defies physics: I eat half a pound of food, `purge` 1 pound of it, and then gain five pounds because of it-- WTF?
That awkward moment when you remember something funny, and can’t stop smiling like an idiot.