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Damn boy! Are you a slinky? Cause I wanna wanna push you down a flight of stairs, then kick you when you stop halfway to the bottom.
"You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry" - me practicing for a successful relationship.
One should love animals.. They are so tasty.
My inner child is a drunken whore
Just so we’re on the same page, I’m on 43.
A garbage disposal is just a device for finishing off all the food no one else in the house will eat.
I just want one spam email that`s like, "Congratulations! You have a perfect-sized p*nis."
Diamonds are the hardest substance in the world ... to get back from a woman
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and they live for 150 years. Lesson learned.
If you are alone and feeling lonely, fart. Someone always walks in after you fart.
Remember ... I can always make it look like an accident.
I wouldn’t say your ugly, you are just beautichallenged.
?"May contain nudity".. either it does or it doesn`t.. quit waistin` my time.
I`m good at counting cards. I keep ending up with 52.
Obviously the movie "the good wife" is not based on a true story. It`s fiction people.