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This is just a quick shout-out to bread bowls, waffle cones and other edible containers. You guys are doing a great job.
" a fool and his money ----- are never around when you need a loan......"
Please say a prayer for my coworker. His life is so boring that he just Instagrammed his Jimmy Johns sandwich
The toughest part of a job interview is finding the exact right moment to go in for the kiss.
Has anyone ever seen a gorilla in the mist? Some of the local drivers struggle to see my car in perfect daylight conditions, so I doubt that they`d spot a Gorilla in limited visibility!!!!!
The only thing wrong with eary mornings is being awake.
CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE: Oh... I have nothing to say, I just crave the spotlight.
"Trust your gut" is terrible advice. How can I put trust in something that tells me to eat an entire pizza when I get drunk?
If your girl sets her Facebook relationship status to “Widowed”, it’s time to pack a suitcase as fast as possible.
Pro tip: Do not make snow angels in a dog park.
You`ve got to love yourself ... Just not in public places
Good job on the speed traps, cops – How are the murderer traps coming along?
I want to delete a bunch statuses, so if you guys could just message me your passwords that`d be great.
pharmacy was out of my BP meds...so i bought a baseball bat instead..that works much faster
No one will ever look at you the way I do ... But thats probably because no one will ever do it from the tree outside your window