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Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.
Happiness, is just a liquor store away.
You could`ve told me that wasn`t your real name before I got the tattoo.
Just one more drink and then I`m outta here" is one of my favorite lies.
People think I`m crazy because I talk to my cat. What am I supposed to do? Just ignore him when he asks me a question?
I just did a bunch of crunches and curls. There were Nestle Crunches and cheese curls, but still. I`m exhausted.
Tip for Sunday Church: Don`t forget to keep your phones on silent, especially if your ringtone is `I like big butts and I do not lie!`
The Patriots defensive coverage was almost as bad as the coverage by Obamacare.
when god was giving out brains....you must have miss heard for trains..and missed your bugger
Well, just 8 more hours of Facebook and I can go back to bed. *phew*
Am I the only one who closes the silverware drawer with an epic pelvic thrust?
When the zombie apocalypse happens, I’m going to blast Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”, while the zombies chase us, just to lighten the mood.
Whenever I see people lined up outside a club on Friday night, I just think "look at all these poor people who don`t know Netflix exists."
Relationship has 12 letters, but then again so does alcohollllll
I’m totally fine with favoritism as long as I’m the favorite.