Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Today`s big idea - Coffee eye drops
I`m as nutty as a squirell fart
What do sleeping and sex have in common? ... I`m not getting nearly enough of either.
I haven`t been drinking. I know what day it is. I didn`t lose my pants. This might be my car. I know how to drive. -Lies I`ve told to cops.
I can’t hang out tonight because I’m done with people for the day.
The right man will love you unconditionally, will be loyal, and will always be happy to see you. ... Oh wait, That`s my dog. My dog does that.
I`m so scattered I don`t know whether I found this rope or lost my horse.
Cool things about being a turtle: 1. Born with a free house attached to you 2. Super chill 3. Could potentially mutate into a ninja
Who`s further now, the Energizer Bunny or Voyager 1?
Thinking about staying in tonight? Nobody looks back in life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep.
Life Tip: Get a birthday card with anything you are embarrassed to buy.
I love the gym this time of year. The newbies make me look like a Victoria Secret model.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”
People are obsessed with this storm but in a couple months no one will talk about it anymore, which is why they named it after the movie Juno.
Dear iPhone, Please stop changing my rude words into nice ones. You piece of shut.