Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it and shove it up your a$$
You call it being sober. I call it on my way to the liquor store.
Wtf? I was always told to treat people the way I want to be treated.. Stupid sexual harassment charges pending.
I have Beer.
I hate when I’m alone in the dark and my brain says, “Hey, you know what we haven’t thought about in a while? Ghosts..”
There`s really no telling how successful I could have been if the internet hadn`t been invented...
Grant me the courage to change the things I can, the serenity to accept the things I cannot, and a big-a$$ed pitcher of margaritas as “Plan B”
Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains. Great news for stupid people.
If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them...
Neighbors just kicked me out of their shower and called the cops. Some of these pokemon go instructions are confusing. A lot of grey area...
The push-up bra: the strangely acceptable female equivalent of a rolled up sock stuffed in men`s underwear.
Go home Polar Vortex....yer drunk.
If horror movies have taught me anything, it`s lock up your butcher knives if your child addresses you as "mother" or "father."
Yes, that`s correct. And the horse you rode in on.
Shouldn’t the Air and Space museum be empty?