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Hello 911? Do you think i`m pretty?
Yes, your opinion matters ... But not to me.
Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say, “Close Enough.”
Facebook Stalker! If you just felt a sudden twinge of guilt then yes I`m talking about you.
Do NOT accept friend requests from Hormel Foods, it could be spam...
A new study says schizophrenia and pot smoking are genetically linked — but don`t worry, another study says you`re just being paranoid.
I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. Especially since I walked there.
That moment when you wake up at 2 o`clock a.m and remember how crappy that after earth movie was and you go back to sleep immediately
I had a doctors appointment today. He said I was normal! See? I told you!!!
My boyfriend woke up this morning with a huge smile on his face. I love sharpies
If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic.
Thought I saw a kangaroo today but turned out to be a greyhound having a dump !
LIFE HACK: Answer your phone "Hello you`re on the air" and 99% of the time people will just hang up
There`s a pretty good chance I`ll end up being one of those senior citizens who randomly bites people...
No, I CAN’T believe how early it’s getting dark. After 4 billion years of this happening I was sure this would be the year it didn’t.