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Sometimes I like to go to the hardware store and run around with a screwdriver shouting, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is not a drill!"
Who do Walmart shoppers make fun of?
If you`re bored, wear a cape. Then you can be Super Bored
Whenever someone ends their status with "LOL" I know it`s a repost, cuz...who the hell laughs at their own statuses? LMAO!
I believe in karma, which is why I`m such a d!ck to total strangers, just in case they deserve it.
Calling someone a drama queen is so negative. Why not "content creator"?
I hate when I drop my pen on the floor and it`s slightly out of reach so I leave it there forever.
If a woman repeats what you just said in the form of a question, you`ll be dead soon.
My dentist said that bacon and soda works the same as toothpaste. Friends have said she meant baking soda....but I disagree. :)
It`s so hard being a single mom when you have no kids and are a male teenager.
I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again: it before
Do watch out for elderly neighbours in the heat wave. They`re liable to trap you for hours and talk about the weather.
When I see a girl with too much makeup, I just want to use my finger to write "Wash Me" on her face.
You know you`ve reached adulthood when your bed is in the middle of the wall instead of in the corner.
"Is everything OK?" "Well, I`ve been kind of down since the divorce..." "I meant with your pasta, sir."