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You can make your life more entertaining by simply reaching out, and getting to know a whore.
Just when you think you have the answer a woman will be there to change the question.
Friend told me that on her strict new diet, she eats each meal naked in front of a mirror. I said would you like to come over for dinner?
"Who`s this clown?" - every guy about every other guy who is in a photo with a girl we like
is trying to decide ... laundry today or naked tomorrow
I need medical attention, but I will settle for just regular attention.
"Lets hang out sometime" -liars.
Say goodbye to your girlfriends cause I just bought a book on magic tricks
My dog just saved my life by ferociously barking at nothing outside.
How can I trust you when you keep running away every time I untie you?
People are like snowflakes. If you piss on them they go away.
I only party on 2 occasions. 1. When it’s my birthday 2. When it’s not…
The only time I’ve passionately knocked everything off a table was when I was trying to make room for a pizza.
Kids teach you so many life lessons. Unconditional love, patience, the meaning of family, but mostly to lock the bedroom door.
Just spent like 5 hours talking to my neighbor about his garden and long story short, turns out it was just a f*cking scarecrow.