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Teenage girls hang out in odd numbered groups because they literally can`t even.
Dear Costumer Service: I wonder how long I`d be on hold if my call wasn`t important to you?
I realized my superpower.. I can walk into ANY bathroom.. And the toilet paper roll will be empty..
"That was supposed to be a compliment." -Men
If I could keep it short, my life would be so much simpler.
You`re the one who wore a red and yellow scarf to class. So don`t look at me weird for shouting "10 points for gryffindor" when you answer questions cause I know you wanted this. -Bfanch
I`m thinking about starting a vegetarian dance club... I`m going to call it "lettuce turnip the beets". What do you think?
Why aren`t we letting blind people think that dragons are real?
Just saw a guy driving while eating ice cream. F*cking sundae drivers.
So your baby doesn`t know any tricks at all?
Our mailman freaked out when he accidentally saw me naked ... So did all the other people at the post office.
doesn`t need any help being bad but u can come along for the ride if your up for it.
RIP to my hair dryer. It was the only thing to blow me for the last 10 years and never complain.
I procrastinate so much I’ll probably put off death and never die.
If you’re telling me to relax, it’s probably your fault that I’m not.