Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m surrounded by sex addicts & alcoholics...So glad I found you all.
I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you.
I`m confused as to whether I`m supposed to leap or hump today.
I stay a bit overweight because it wouldn`t be fair to all the skinny people if I were this attractive, intelligent, funny, AND thin ... It`s a public service really.
I’m not a comedian. I don’t tell jokes. I just tell the truth in a way it sounds funny.
I`ve written my own book called 50 Shades of Gravy. It`s very saucy. :D
I can cope with voices in my head but the voices outside my head drive me crazy.
I always read my girlfriend’s horoscope to see what kind of day I`m going to have.
Couldn`t stay awake sitting on the couch, so I laid down in bed to make sure I wouldn`t fall asleep
Have I been drinking? Clearly officer, you`re no detective
You have no idea how funny I am to me.
Kinda hypocritical of me to complain about people who send mixed signals seeing as the mat in front of my door says "welcome"...
They should`ve added "Might lose a lot of sleep" in Facebook`s terms & conditions before signing up.
And I was like “No, Coke is NOT ok. I wanted a Pepsi.” And she was all “Sir, 911 should only be dialed for real emergencies.”
I hate it when people tell me I look young for my age because it implies my age is old.