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This guy keeps asking me to help pet his neglected, one-eyed trouser snake. What a sweet guy! I think he`s a vet. Ladieeees! A doctor!!
Mrs Bieber.... WHY U NO USE CONDOM?
Parallel lines have so much in common, it`s a shame they`ll never meet
Everyday Iām shoveling. ā Winter 2014
I wonder if the Happy Birthday wishes I send out to my Facebook friends would mean the same to them if they knew that I was sitting on the toilet.... LOL
To-Do List: Nothing [?]
I was an atheist, until I realized I was a sex god.
Life is what you make it = 10% Shit happens = 90%
Alcohol makes me worse at everything except telling secrets
No one ever reads the rules of Monopoly unless an argument breaks out.
Judging by all of the cologne and shower sets I got for Christmas either people know I like to smell good or I am failing at it.
I`ve had enough of my neighbours blasting their music from their backyard. I`m not annoyed cause it`s so loud, i`m annoyed cause they`re Korean & they`ve still yet to play Gangnam Style!
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. -Me with beer, me without beer
Iām Not Arguing. Iām Simply Explaining Why Iām Right.
I`m so broke right now if anybody robbed me they`d just be practicing