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A lot of people don`t realise that Shania Twain`s father, Mark, was actually a pretty good writer.
Sadly, the opposite sex is ignoring me like a check engine light.
Babe, you look Hot! Is your air conditioner broken?
Getting up in the morning is like writing an essay. You want to do it, it takes a lot of effort, and you usually quit halfway through.
Hey ladies, you know that feeling you get when you roll over & realize you made a horrible mistake? I could give that to you every day.
I`m sorry baby, but me & you are not going to work out. We are going to watch tv.
If a man repeats everything a woman says, word for word,,,,,,,, is he still wrong?
I don’t mind going to work. It’s that eight-hour wait to go home that bugs me.
Last person to like this wins a prize.
After spending the last week stealing cars and killing people I just found out GTA had missions.
My coworkers sending dirty messages to other coworkers when I leave my computer unlocked is why I have trust issues. ... and dates.
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn`t met me yet
Facebook Proves: That if Family had the Option... they`d Delete ya.
That fact that I need sun glasses to open my fridge means my night must have been awesome.
There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. I hope they let me back in Walmart.