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I shook the vending machine until my chips fell, so yeah, I’m a hunter-gatherer.
I would watch NASCAR if hot wheels designed the tracks.
Bad Morning: As I sit on the throne remembering I used all the toilet paper last night for Halloween pranks.
A lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided, if they had built their towns big enough for another person
There is no better sunscreen than sitting inside a bar.
A new study says eating sugar will kill you and was conducted by the No Sh!t Sherlock Research Institute.
Congrats on winning an argument with your woman...... Your prize is a night on the couch.
Side boob is only hot on women, bro.
Why non-smokers don`t take bubble blowing breaks is beyond me
So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn`t for throwing at people who stress you out?
Sometimes you just have to logout...
I now have more electronic screens in my life than friends.
Horoscopes: When you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend to blame for your failures, try the solar system
There are sick days, paid holidays, and vacation days. What about "Don`t have any gas to make it to work days"
People think I`m a hugger, but I`m actually shaking them down for snacks.