Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When you`re trying to change the channel on the tv, and the remote starts ringing, you`re probably drunk.
Today I gave up procrastination for Lent.
I went to the store and saw that Duracell batteries were on sale just before Valentine`s Day. Someone is a marketing genius.
Do women know that it`s perfectly legal to apply makeup at home before they get in their car?
Never cry over spilt milk. It could`ve been whiskey.
Just had workplace violence training. It`s like HR doesn`t even care about the first rule of fight club.
Sometimes when I`m bored, I pick out a girl from my list of FB friends that I`ve never actually met and then go back on her timeline and like every single post she made in like 2009......That should freak her out a bit...
After opening this month`s electric bill, I am no longer scared of the dark.
The New iPhone 7 is coming out in August. If you want a sneak peek of the new iPhone. Take a look at your current iPhone and pretend it cost 200 dollars more.
life is too short to match socks
Iām moving to Africa. Apparently there I can eat for 12 cents a day.
I often worry about the safety of my children, especially the one that is rolling their eyes at me & talking back right now.
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever.
They say children are a gift from god. I`m totally wide-open to regifting.
One thing the porn industry has taught me is that this summer I defiantly need to get a job as a poolboy.