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Let`s run away together.. Lol jk, I don`t run anywhere.
Sometimes I wish I could appear offline in real life too
Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.
Imagine how much faster Olympic sprinters could run if they saw their wives going through their phones at the finish line
I was in NYC and a black guy asked me if the Yankees won to which I replied, "Yeah, man, you`re free."
Brains are awesome! I wish everyone had one...
I`m only 30 lbs away from my New Year`s resolution to lose 20 lbs!!
Just saw a cop that had a U-Haul pulled over on the side of the road. Obviously he was trying to bust a move.
Everytime someone says "Expect the unexpected" I like to punch them in the face and say "not as easy as it sounds, now is it?"
I just met the most interesting man at the laundromat And then I realized that he can`t even afford a washer or a dryer
Eventually, the entire written English language will be taken over by emoticons. Teenage girls will bring us back to Egyptian hieroglyphics.
Morning workout: Turn on treadmill. Untangle headphones for 14 minutes. Get frustrated, leave and eat doughnuts.
The five stages of Sunday: depression, anger, bargaining, acceptance, Netflix
To a musician, a g-string means something completely different than it does to me. .
Does running away from your problems count as exercising? If it is, then I`m one hell of a fitness freak