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The statement ‘Hey! Calm down!’ has a zero to no success rate of getting someone to calm down.
Thank you Lord for this delicious meal we are about to Instagram.
These old people at the bus stop really suck at paintball.
If the TV show "Cops" has taught me anything, it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces....... they always seem to attract trouble.......
If the river were beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and never come up..
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.
hate it when someone says they are miserable when their profile picture says otherwise.
Therapy has taught me that it is all your fault.
Nothing says "I`m unemployed" like wishing for snow on Facebook.
This is probably the best idea I`ve had yet! -me, right before I do something stupid
People really need to get with the times. Smartphones are not for talking anymore.
What an intoxicated Schwarzenegger might say to a police officer: "I`m an IDIOT you COP!"
Nothing is impossible.. Never Give Up.. I know a guy that once actually guessed correctly why his girlfriend was mad at him.. :|
I hate people who take drugs ... Customs for example.
If you have to tell us that you`ve been going to the gym, you probably need to go more often....