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Welcome to journalism, where everything is made up, and the sources don`t matter.
I try to explain to my kids during the movie that in reality, even a cowardly lion would eat a girl and a little dog.
In the United States a man gets kicked in the groin every 6.2 seconds. I would hate to be that man.
Hey! Did any of you see my........ Oh ! Never mind... :D How much of you said that before? heee heee hee!
Like medicine, some people should only be allowed to talk in doses. Like 30 sentences three times a day.
OMG! I just discovered that if I align them JUST right, that I can make your boobs stand straight up (just like the broom trick)! Message me for an appointment! ;)
If you`ve lost your appetite today, I think I have it.
My exercise routine consists of doing diddly squats.
Babies are so cute because none of them are mine.
I just told my wife it took her longer to pick a Netflix movie than it took me to pick out her engagement ring and that was a bad analogy.
Somethings are best unsaid but my brain to mouth filter has never worked right.
It`s Saturday morning. My neighbor has mowed his lawn AND weeded his garden. I`ve spent ten minutes trying to reach the remote with my foot.
If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I would for sure pick living.
Some girls post the most depressing love sh!t that even I`m starting to miss their ex!!!
And I was like “No, Coke is NOT ok. I wanted a Pepsi.” And she was all “Sir, 911 should only be dialed for real emergencies.”