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If I’ve offended you, please accept my apology. Then smack yourself in the face for getting offended by something on the Internet.
There’s no excuse for my behavior, so I’m drinking until I have one.
That awkward moment when you have 10+ tabs open and you can`t figure out which one the music is coming from. FML
Note to self: don’t set your password reminder as “you should know this”
I inject vodka right into the orange. Screwdriver-to-go
I have a bumper sticker that says "Honk if you think I`m sexy!" Then I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself!
When I`m on my death bed, I want my last words to be...."I left 10 million dollars in the..........."
i know how to shutup.I just don`t know when.
I`ll decide whether it`s a compliment or sexual harassment.
Hey NFL, solution to your recent problem, start allowing players to hit each other on the field again
The worst job to have right about now would be that of a realtor in Ferguson.
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a big sign of disrespect.
I`m a lover, not a fighter. So if anyone is giving you trouble and you need me to have sex with them, I`m your man.
Had a great time watching the family oriented PG rated Shrek with my grandson last night... until he asked why a Donkey would have sex with a Dragon.
You`ll notice you never see sweatpants with "Classy" written across the butt.