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Sex with human, ok. Sex with cow, not ok. Grabbing cow titty, ok. Grabbing Karen in accounting`s titty, not ok. Apparently.
I don`t like making plans for the day, because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.
Always keep a note in your medicine cabinet that says, “I thought you were peeing?”
Why does toilet paper need a commercial? Who is not buying this?
Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
In wine there is wisdom. In beer there is strength. In water there is bacteria. You decide.
If you like to listen to music while having sex, listen to a live album. That way you will get an applause every 3-4 minutes.
Hit me with your pet shark #RuinAn80sSong
I`m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out I`ll pop open the red and drink that.
May the bridges I burn light the way.
Apparently you can not demand to be strip searched.
Have you ever been cutting a piece of pager with scissors and worried that you might cut an atom in half and destroy the world?
I need a fixed income. Mine is broken.
Is it rude to put *vomits* under someone`s post ?
My head has that drunk on cheap alcohol feel without me getting to actually drink the alcohol :(