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My first mistake was thinking she couldn`t hit a moving target.
After listening to what some people have to say, I am rethinking the importance this whole freedom of speech thing.
That moment when you offer somebody a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she`s not your friend anymore
There is a special place in hell for people who are not ready to order when it`s their turn.
I may not be the richest guy...or the smartest guy...or the funniest guy...or the best-looking guy...or the .....:( Forget it, now I`m depressed.
Roses are red, this much is true, Violets are purple, not f*cking blue
Is it just me, or does this gravy I made taste like scotch? Anyway, best Thanksgiving EVER!
Mom: You haven`t moved since I left 5 hours ago? Me: Excuse me, where do you think these chips came from!!???
When I said I missed you, I meant with a hammer.
Only a few years ago, the average parents had four children. Nowadays, the average child has four parents.
Girl: I have changed my mind. Boy: Thank God! Does the new one work?
Well, it`s easy to tell I`m single. It`s Saturday night and I`m at home updating my facebook status...
Holiday cards, when you care enough to let friends, family, customers & clients see how your handwriting hasn`t improved since fourth grade.
Nobody pissed me off today... I got to get out more.
Im really not just some idiot with nothing better to do with my time, I just play one in FB.