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I often wonder how things worked out for that guy who grabbed the bull by the horns.
People who get offended on the internet are the same people that take mini golf seriously.
A Positive attitude may not solve all our problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort!
Game of Thrones characters should have to wear jerseys with their names on the back
Some people are like rain clouds. Once they f*ck off, it`s a beautiful day.
There was a glorious time, before social media, when you would just lose touch with people.
My mother said, “You won’t amount to anything because you procrastinate.” I said, “Oh ya…..Just you wait.....”
I inherited my dad`s sense of humor. He`s not funny either.
I just changed my relationship status from “left hand” to “right hand”…
It’s amazing what I’m able to get done when I need to do something else.
You don`t even want to know the things I have done for a Klondike Bar...
If your girlfriends cat gets eaten by an angry pitbul terrier, gently singing "The circle of life" into her ear WILL NOT cheer her up.
What doesn`t kill you, will hopefully try again
Running behind is my cardio.
Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild.