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Let`s sleep in until it`s time to go to bed again
I`m sure the fellow below don`t have big feet :(
According to physics heat makes matter expand.....therefore I don`t have a weight problem....I`m just hot
I saw a fat lady with a "M.O.B." tattoo on her arm. I asked "money over B*tches?" She said "No, McDonalds over Burger King.
We had a power outage last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately, so I had to talk to my family for a few hours. They seem like nice people.
Saw a Mime doing his gig. I reached into my purse and pretended to throw money in his hat.
The number one key to a successful marriage is alcoholism.
Sorry I can`t go out tonight, I can`t find anyone to cover my Facebook shift.
My head says go to the gym. My heart says food.
Half the time spent on Facebook is likely spent by creeping people and /or staring at the screen waiting for something interesting to happen.
I like superheroes but I`d rather hang out with the villains.
People are like dogs: There`s always someone who loves you for you and there`s someone who just peed in an inappropriate place.
How old do I have to be when I can start pulling in front of cars without looking?
It’s been “one of those days” for like 3 years now.
I just ate some generic Frosted Flakes.... They"rrrrreeee alright.