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Was building a website for women drivers ... Bloody thing kept crashing.
Met a girl for a first date and quickly found out that her version of "Do you want to go downtown?" is vastly different than mine.
What doesn`t kill you makes you stronger. Except for bears. Bears will kill you.
I can`t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.
When it comes to tantrums, I throw like a girl.
Don`t talk to me like I`m stupid until you know for sure.
When it`s raining I don`t work, when its sunny I don`t work, when its cloudy I call in sick!
For the record, giving someone the creeps for Christmas is technically not a gift.
My relationship is mostly me apologizing for saying something super bada$$ and hilarious
Having a bad day? Imagine a T-Rex trying to masturbate. you`re welcome.
I thought `Pokemon` was a Jamaican Porn... My bad...
Pool is my favorite sport because you don`t have to run and there`s beer five feet away.
We’ll be friends until we’re old and senile. Then we’ll be new friends all over again.
Can you LIKE this status with your elbow? (no cheating)
When there is nothing to do ... That`s what I do