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Hooters should start a home delivery service and call it Knockers.
Trying to learn Mandarin Chinese but the amount of money I`m spending on fortune cookies is getting ridiculous.
If you`re reading this then I`m wishing you a Happy New Year! Stay safe, have fun, and remember, I like New Years gifts too!
Watching game shows is like watching porn, you get excited watching someone else get lucky
My girlfriend says I shouldn`t plan things so far in advance. Well, she`s not my girlfriend yet.
If kidnapping is a federal offense, then why is marriage legal?
There is literally no way of knowing how many chameleons are in your house.
Working from home and HR already cited me for sexual misconduct.
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don`t make the rules.
Wanna come over for pizza and sex? I`m just kidding ... there`s no pizza.
My ex warned me that I would never find a girl like her again....THANK GOD!
My credit score is just a picture of me crying in the front yard of a nice house.
Not so great minds also think alike.
It’s amazing what I’m able to get done when I need to do something else.
You have to PAY for a speeding ticket?! I thought it was a reward for beating other drivers..