Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
This time change has me all messed up. Driving with my hands at 11 and 3 is hard
Don`t ``Wine and dine`` me ... ``Champagne`` me ... step it up a notch
My favorite part of the movie The Notebook is where I turned it off and watched Terminator 2 instead.
Vegans think they will live longer than us, but they don`t realize they are 100 times more likely to be murdered mid conversation.
If monogamy is sex with only one person, what is origami?
A hot woman telling me about her boyfriend is like setting money on fire in front of a homeless person.
I hate when I get to the office and there isn’t a smoking crater where the building is.
That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is "act natural, you`re innocent".
Happy Halloween… may all of your skeletons stay in the closet where they belong!
My favorite thing around the holidays is being put into a group message with 200 people reply "Who`s This"
It`s a bad sign when your credit card bill has a comma and your bank statement doesn`t!
Leaving the house on a Monday morning would be so much cooler if someone would yell "Aaaaand Action!" as I walk out the door.
Oh, a spider just landed on my desk... In other news,,, When startled, I can jump 5 feet in the air with just the power of my ass cheeks.
My stove top knob reads, LO | 2 | 4 | 6 | 8 | 10 | HI......so what is Med-High, Medium Low?...They just need to lay it out for me in numbers! Like "set stove top to 8." no wait, 9.? Food manufacturerers and stove manufactuerers need to get toghether on this! So let me see,..... (me thinking)....if ten is high...5 is medium that means 7.5..... WAIT!.....low would be 0 so HI would be 12???....WTF!!! forget about simmer!........HEY KIDS! WHO WANTS PIZZA!
It must be exhausting being offended by everything.