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I don`t mind sharing the highway with other people. I just wish they`d use the part behind me.
The roof of my mouth just healed from that Hot Pocket I had in 2003.
"Everybody freeze!" -December
After a while you just get used to people not understanding.
Unless your kids fundraiser is selling whisley, I`m not really interested
I don`t get why people find drunk text annoying
Whenever my wife sings I have to go outside. Not to get away from her, but to prove to my neighbors I`m not beating her.
You’d be more impressed with me if you never met anyone else.
Sometimes I just go on Facebook to see who has been dumped and who is pregnant.
I just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world. I told them to F off!! Anybody who fits into my clothes isn`t starving!!
How old do I have to be when I can start pulling in front of cars without looking?
Offering a hobo $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.
Defies physics: I eat half a pound of food, `purge` 1 pound of it, and then gain five pounds because of it-- WTF?
Please be careful on the roads. Lots of people are drinking exsessively and letting their wives drive.
I think Facebook now comes under the housework category.