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My car is so old the high beam switch is on the floor...
Picking out the right Christmas tree is a science. Sneaking into your neighbor`s yard to cut it down is an art.
Not sure how coffee got its own table in the living room, but kudos.
I want my next girl to be crazy but more "Lets have sex in public" crazy rather than "I throw hot coffee in your face" crazy.
At least clean up the bathroom before taking your profile picture.
Funny how things change with time, I used to hate spankings...
Folding laundry with a toddler is like trying to straighten a desk full of papers while a fan blows on it.
You`re not living life right if you don`t get just a little bit nervous every time you hear a police siren.
If you`re ever lost in the woods and have a compass, the compass can help you be lost more north.
If he pauses a video game to text you, he`s probably already losing, no need to feel special or anything,
There`s a warning light on my dashboard of a vague exclamation point. It`s like when my girlfriend was mad at me and she wouldn`t say why.
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands.
I`m glad the Eclipse is over so I can go back to staring directly into the sun.
The “Slow Children Playing” signs always make me sad. Would it cost that much more to thrown in punctuation?
It should really be called teethpaste.