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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I hate when I wake up in the middle of the night to get a quick drink of water and then accidentally eat a whole pizza and a cheesecake.
Welcome to Alzheimer`s Club. I see a lot of new faces today.
Relationship status: I get the remote to myself!
Apparently, the answer "I Know" is not a good answer when your friend tells you how good his girlfriend is in bed
If I were a cashier I`d pretend people were waiting in line to kiss me.
Sorry I was staring at your nachos while you were talking about your painful divorce
Guy tip of the day: To avoid arguments about the toilet seat, use the sink...
In an alternate universe somewhere, all the ducks are making white girl faces.
It`s ok, ghosts, no-one believes in me either.
Some things make you go hmm. Some things make you go ugh! I make you go "Did he really just say that?"
cuss words = sentence enhancers
You can`t make everyone happy, so just concentrate on me.
You never know what you have until you clean your room.
Dating Tip: Find a partner with a compatible phone charger.
My neighbor put the box his fridge came in on the curb for trash pickup. Guess who has a new fort!