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I`m definitely the drunkest person in this ball pit.
Inside me is a skinny person screaming to get out. But he shuts up when I eat cake.
Hating everything saves countless hours of decision making.
why do wise people never make wisecracks?
if your happy and you know it ---thank your ex
stupidity is a privelege entitled to everyone but you my dear are abusing this right
Felt like being Bad today, like an Outlaw Bad, felt like doing something illegal, so I ran through the house ripping off all the Mattress Tags..... Come and get me Coppers, but you won`t take me alive.......................
Hedgehogs would seem far less adorable if they had more relevant names like `Stabbyrabbit` or `Weaponrat`
The only thing I ever win playing McDonald’s Monopoly is 10 pounds.
A recent report shows that people who smoke weed get into 85% fewer car crashes than drunk people. Obviously. It`s a lot easier to see what`s coming when you`re only driving at eleven miles an hour.
I`m not real excited that the wrapping on my toilet paper said `100% Recycled`.
Breaking News: Viagra shippment stolen... Cops are looking for a gang of hardened criminals.
Does anybody know how to disable the autocorrect feature on my wife ?
Why do they call it "Jew-ish"? Are they not Jew enough?
drinks well with others.