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My wife is going to the hair salon today so for the next few hours I will be practising my reaction.
DO NOT LIKE THIS… Unless you’re a sexy beast.
The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. At least, that`s what the restraining order says.
* feels winds of change * realizes it`s just a hole in my shorts
Had a nice, relaxing weekend. I now have ample energy to hate Monday and most of Tuesday.
I think...therefore, I am.....single
It`s 2014 and somehow we still don`t have a car mirror that can make objects appear exactly as far away as they are.
Girlfriend: You`re acting like a little kid. Me: What do mean, little kids can`t drink.
Going to write hasbro a nasty letter!!! The monopoly get out of jail free card doesn`t work...since I`m texting you can you come bail me out?
Haters gunna hate,potatoes gunna patate!!
I was about to do something awesome, again, but I told myself “Enough is enough, that’s plenty of awesome for one day”
Whenever you feel sad, just remember that somewhere in this world there`s an idiot pulling a door that says "PUSH"..
Okay restaurants. Enough with the clever bathroom signs. A simple M and F will do. Sincerely, drunk people.
After watching the "Schticky" ad, I am convinced now there are 8 wonders of the world.
Hi I was calling about the $300/hour part time job I read about in a sexy ad I saw on an illegal torrent site. Are you guys still hiring?