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They sell Harvard shirts at Target so that’s a good way to save $ 399,984.05.
Muffins – for people who don’t have the guts to order cake for breakfast.
Boys are like roses, watch out for the pr!cks...
Meanwhile on Facebook, someone has made a casserole...
My talent is being wasted, if that counts as a talent.
I see your Full House and I raise you 3 episodes of Home Improvement. -Me, not knowing how to play poker, but loving 90`s TV
On Mondays I like to reply to all my bosses emails with `unsubscribe`
If you have a mirror handy, kindly gaze into it and you will find your problem
I`d imagine the only thing worse then getting your period is not getting your period.
My life has a surprising lack of dance battles.
Girlfriend: No, you hang up... Me: (click)
Of course I like you, I gave you that roofie didn`t I?
I don`t get women. Also, I don`t understand them.
Doing something weird and thinking “this is why I’m single”.
Hold on I`m about to count my money. Alright I`m done.