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If you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
People often say laughter is the best medicine, but they neglect to mention that an overdose can cause one’s a$$ to fall off.
NEWS FLASH: Man arrested for having sex with a tree.....Police confirm he had wood!!!
"Grapey." -me after every wine at the wine-tasting
Why do people post pictures of missing people on facebook?...like we are going outside.
However lonely you feel, you`re never alone. [There are literally millions of bugs, mites and bacteria living in your house.] Goodnight.
I would run a marathon. If the only 2 bars were 26.2 miles apart and the first one was closed.
My favorite breed of dog? Good question, thanks for asking. Either a corndog or a hotdog.
I will be responsible for my actions....when my actions become more responsible.
LOQ "Laugh Out Quietly" because LOL is giving me a headache
I plan on leaving all my money to the campaign against illiteracy. ...They can`t read this right? lol
If guys had periods, they´d brag about the size of their tampons.
“I’m not washing it, I’m just gonna shove it in a pony.” If you’re a girl, that sentence is actually ok.
Divorce is what happens when two people win an argument.
I like to say my kid handles funds for a multi-billion dollar corporation. It`s easier than saying he is a cashier at McDonald`s