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Marco Polo must really hate sitting near a swimming pool.
Money can`t buy happiness, but I`d rather cry in a Ferrari.
Fellas; There’s no heterosexual way of taking a selfie.
I ran into a hot guy at the grocery store last week and he hasn`t tracked me down and proposed to me yet. This is why I hate movies.
Why do hospitals need to advertise? It`s not like I`m going to go to Home Depot instead.
The recommended age to have a Ouija Board is 8+ years old. So, you need to be 21 years old to drink alcohol and 8 to summon the devil.
Cinderella is my favorite fairy tale about how foot size is the best way to recognize someone.
Don`t mistake my middle finger as an offer.
I`m no different than any other bachelor. I put my pants on one leg at a time and clean the house once every new girlfriend.
Ahhh, the 4th of July. The day where trips to hospital start with the words "Hold my beer and watch this!"
Good job on the speed traps, cops – How are the murderer traps coming along?
I always put in a full eight hours at work. Spread out over the course of the week.
Whoever said time heals all wounds never had their leg bitten off by a shark.
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches
I don`t need WebMD to tell me what`s wrong with me, I have my mother.