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I’m beginning to believe that successful relationships come down to Netflix compatibility.
There`s a time and place for wine, In my hand and now.
BEER! The official sponsor of hot days!
I can`t wait to get one of those self-driving cars to watch my wife argue with it.
So in between the 4 seconds that I missed your call and managed to call ya back, you`ve fallen off the face of the earth?
Men are a lot like kids, if you want to shut them up, put a boob in their mouth.
I go to a gym called Resolutions. It has exercise equipment for the first 2 weeks of each year, then becomes a bar for the remaining 50.
Whoever says "you need two to tango" obviously hasn`t seen me drunk.
If love is blind....why is lingerie so popular?
Do you ever dislike someone so much that you hate when people are nice to them?
I can eat anything in the house unless it was specifically bought for my wife but the only way to know it`s for her is to eat it. Apparently
Sometimes late at night.. I dig a hole in the back yard by lantern light.. Sure keeps my nosy neighbors on their toes.. :|
When Life rains on your parade, get out the Slip-n-Slide.
there is no strong beer, only weak men
Guys, if she says she’s crazy, she’s harmless. The real crazy ones never give you a damn clue.