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I don`t know what`s scarier. Houses with Halloween decorations or houses that still have up Christmas decorations from last year.
Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets, are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
Running feels great unless you compare it to not running
I saw the city workers putting up a sign on my street and it says Bumpy road ... so I put up a sign that says ,, FIX IT !
Too bad the little guy "Tattoo" from Fantasy Island isn`t around anymore. They could ask HIM where the plane is!
I need a leaf blower, but for people.
My shrink says if I take these pills I won`t see you guys anymore.
I`m just a boy...standing in front of a girl...asking her to lov.....aw who am I trying to fool. I just want in your pants.
I like it here because not only do I get to air out my dirty laundry, I get to see yours too.
I know 3 facts about you: 1.You can’t say ‘M’ without your lips touching. 2.You’re trying it now looking like an idiot. 3. Now you’re smiling
Got a paper cut turning the pages in my self-defense book.
I`ve dieted and worked out enough to realize that the only way I`m getting smokin` hot is by getting cremated.
Saw A bumper sticker that said "Fat People Are Harder To Kidnap" not sure if he was a proud fat man or a disgruntled kidnapper though.
I should be ashamed of myself. Lets be clear, I`m not. But I should be.
Friday Night Inspirational Message: You miss 100% of the shots you don`t drink.