Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Lady at my gym is pedaling a stationary bike while eating chips right out of the bag. I`m hiring her as my personal trainer.
It`s not stretching if it doesn`t involve crazy dinosaur noises.
when life gives you lemons; ask for tequila and salt
I`m sorry I hurt your feelings. When I called you stupid, I really thought you already knew..
Basically the way it works is I tell myself I`m not going to eat too much and then I eat too much.
Do you think retailers in Colorado have seen an increase in the sales of Easy Bake ovens and Brownie mix?
When my friends ask me to babysit, I ask if the kid is a "mean drunk" or a "happy drunk." Gets me out of it every time.
I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again, if you drive a Nissan but don`t call it Liam then what is even the point of you
Studies show that people with high sex drives also tend to be very forgetful. Did I tell you guys that already?
Whoever said "nothing is impossible" never tried to nail JELL-O to a tree.
The little piggy who went to market... wasn`t going shopping. Wrap your mind around that for a moment.
How much time has to pass before grave robbing is considered archaeology?
How many instruments do you have to be terrible at before you start playing the triangle?
The Three Up`s in life: 1. Show 2. Keep 3. Shut
Our kids biggest challenge will be to find a username that`s not already taken.