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If you are hotter than me, wouldn’t that make me cooler than you.
Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.
Music is best when it’s louder than I can think.
The only candy I crush are empty cold ones.
Woke up this morning, looked in the mirror & said out loud, "You gotta bring it today!" ... So I packed a lunch and went to work.
I don’t really forgive people I just pretend like it`s okay and wait for my opportunity to destroy them.
I have been tagged and poked so many times today, I may not be able to walk tomorrow.
Liking something on Facebook instead of commenting is like nodding at someone in an elevator instead of saying hello.
In my defense, I was left un-supervised...
Scientists have recently discovered that approximately 2% of Earth`s water at any given time is found on Tupperware containers being removed from the dishwasher
buying an old Mercedes Benz so that people may think you have been rich all along
Next time some one does something REALLY stupid, just smack them and say, "Man, did you see the size of that bug?"
As I got older my six-pack turn into a keg.
My participation in this meeting will be based solely on the snacks they provide.
i hate that the sun comes up so early