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"My phone`s about to die." -Me, 30 seconds into every phone call
I don`t go to bars anymore, but I miss some things about it. So sometimes I wait outside my bathroom for 15 minutes when I`m dying to pee.
I love finding money in my clothes. It`s like a gift to me... from me. :)
More often than not, the excitement of a Facebook friend request dies upon discovering who it is.
There aren`t enough love songs about the moment you see your luggage appear at baggage claim.
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
I get a little nervous before saying Worcestershire sauce.
Anyone that says I`m a lover not a fighter has clearly never been in a relationship over 6 months
You know you`re getting old when cops make you feel safe instead of nervous.
Haiku`s confuse me / Too often they make no sense / Hand me the pliers
How come phones only get lost when they are on silent?
On a scale of 9 to 10, how would you rate me?
Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.
Born free. Now, Iām expensive.
I wonder if I could get a job as a babysitter if I referenced my Facebook group admin experience.