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You may think I`m dumb but you overestimate me.
There really isn`t much difference between being a kid and being an adult. I was just as emotionally crippled upon learning the truth about Penthouse Letters as I was about Santa Claus.
Chasing your dreams is hard... especially when that damn alarm keeps going off
I hate when I text a girl "I love you" and she`s like "no you don`t." Like bitch, I just fapped to your profile picture, I think I`d know.
Do you ever go on youtube just to watch a music video then 5 hours later you find yourself watching a tutorial on how to talk to a giraffe?
Every time you get dressed remember that, if you die, that`s your ghost outfit forever.
“Was that lightning?” “No no…. they’re taking pictures for Google Earth..”
The dentist told me I need to be more aggressive when I floss so I`ve decided to start growling.
It takes patience to listen, it takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
??q? uo p??oq??? ? ?nq i ??i? ?s?? ??? si si??
I`m that friend that you have to explain to people before you introduce me and apologize about afterwards.
I don`t know why the Petco cashier gave me this look when I asked for the fish`s Birth date.
Gee I wish I could push the envelope... But it`s stationary.
Sorry, Mr. Homeless Guy, here’s the story. I’m in college. I work part time and I can only support one of our alcohol problems.
*Baby on board* Oh really? Thanks for letting me know, I was about to ram into your car, but now I won’t.