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Women don`t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think.
My hair only looks good on days when no one important sees it.
Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles.
None of my friends laugh at any of my jokes because cats can only meow.
Felt like being Bad today, like an Outlaw Bad, felt like doing something illegal, so I ran through the house ripping off all the Mattress Tags..... Come and get me Coppers, but you won`t take me alive.......................
I sure did waste a lot of time as a kid practicing my autograph.
My worst ideas have all either started or ended with having no pants on.
Funny word combinations :Clearly misunderstood, Exact estimate, Small crowd, Act naturally, Found missing, Fully empty and above all ... Happily Married
I HATE it when I get invited to weird events on Facebook. ..For the FIFTH time, I do not want to go to your cat`s birthday party. Damn it! ..My dog is getting married
There are only two types of honest people in this world.....small children and drunk people.
There`s a big difference between a mechanic and a surgeon when they work on a tranny.
Show me on the back of your mini van window where your life went wrong.
As a future ghost, I`m kinda bummed out about the dress code.
I feel like I would enjoy getting out of bed more if I only had to do it like 3 times a week. This every day thing is overkill.
Adulthood is basically sadness and paying bills.