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Didn’t Selfie Sticks used to be called Friends?
Don`t talk to me about disappointment. I had lots of adults tell me they were gonna "fix my little red wagon" yet here it sits with a broken wheel still
Subway is the only place I can walk in and ask for a 12 inch Italian and not feel like a slut.
If you rearrange the letters of "postmen" they get really pissed off.
I could never cheat in a relationship, That requires 2 women to find me attractive.
I`m really tired but it`s OK. There`s a nap for that.
8 more days and I will finally get rid of last years Halloween candy.
Dont you hate it when you open a bag of chips and its half full?! Yeah, that´s how us guys feel about push-up bras!!
I got caught peeing in the swimming pool today... The lifeguard shouted so loud I almost fell in.
All I ask for is a chance to prove money can`t make me happy.
The well behaved rarely make history.
May have put up a few too many Christmas lights. A 747 just landed in the backyard.
I wouldn’t say your ugly, you are just beautichallenged.
I hate it when TV shows say they contain "adult situations" but then don`t show anyone going to work, paying their bills or cleaning up their kid`s vomit.
ooooh boy, Mother`s Day hangovers...always the worst huh?!