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Never trust anyone who says “Im not supposed to tell anyone but”
In a perfect world Taco Bell would deliver...
Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity........thats how rich I want to be.
The police never think its as funny as you do.
If someone tells you "it`s better than sex" they`re not doing the sex right.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats
I get as much action as a white crayon.
I`m tough and can take whatever life throws at me ... Especially if its dipped in chocolate first.
The longer I`m left unattended in the Drs office the more tongue depressors I can lick and put back in the jar..... Just sayin
What I lack in sex appeal I make up in staying home and drinking.
Even if you don`t pay, they`ll usually let you go through a car wash at least once a day without a car.
More people would drink responsibly if there was a brand of beer named Responsibly.
I will probably die as a result of being sarcastic to the wrong person at the wrong time.
These are not pizza stains on my shirt they are pizza memories, wonderful wonderful memories.
Today somebody called me a model! Well they said "poster boy for birth control", but I knew what they meant.