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New camo condoms! She`ll never see you coming again.
A lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided, if they had built their towns big enough for another person
I need new swear words.
I`m sorry but sh!ts and giggles don`t sound like things I want to have happen at the same time.
At this point in my life the only reason I want to be rich is to hire somebody to clean my house.
Tequila... It`s not just for breakfast anymore...
My grandparents still use encyclopedias to google stuff.
Does this 50 pound bag of cat food make me look single?
Silence is Golden, unless you`re married.. Then Silence is Suspicious.
I just sent out my daily text to a random number saying "I hit Zack with my truck. I`m going to need to use your hacksaw to cut him up.
It`s all shits and giggles till someone giggles and shits
I paid My 11 year old $10 to do the dishes, then on her way to the bathroom I mugged her...because, you know, life lesson.
Wanna ruin a girl’s day? Respond to her next text with “Who is this?”
Ringing in the “New Year” apparently is not a valid excuse for showing up to work 3 hours late… in October.
I’m in a rush to go home and do absolutely nothing.