Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My daughter just explained to me that these dinner postings were not real invites. I have to apologize to all my friends out there for showing up last week.
You know it`s time to clean your screen when you start confusing dirt with punctuation.
"Good for you!" means, "I do not consider you a threat" in woman-speak.
All my biological clock does, is let me know when it`s time to eat again
Coffee is nature’s way of saying “Go ahead, get drunk on a weeknight, I got your back!”
Dear World, Stop saying "twerk."
Beer is like sex. When it’s good it’s good…when it’s bad it’s still pretty good.
Getting back with your ex is pretty much the same as taking a shower, getting out, and putting back on the same old dirty underwear.
Girl says to her Blonde friend, I slept with a Brazilian man last night. The Blonde replies: OMG you SLUT! How many is a Brazilian??
Don’t let anybody push you around ... unless you’re in a wagon, cuz that is just plain fun.
Chickens: The only animals you eat before they`re born AND after they`re dead.
I wish there was a way to find out how many boners you’ve caused in a lifetime, I wanna check my stats.
Sleep is like a time machine to breakfast.
It`s only a matter of time until "Security cameras of Wal-Mart" become a hit reality show.