Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Before the internet I used to like people.
Love makes the world go `round, but alcohol makes it spin.
Some people say having a child is the best experience in the world. These people obviously never had 2 thing fall from a vending machine at once.
If everyone would stop screaming, I`m sure we`d all agree I`m not supposed to be in this women`s restroom.
Don`t invite me anywhere last minute. I enjoy doing nothing so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.
Your gene pool should be drained, the area bleached & the ground burned & salted. But other than that you seem like a great person.
People should have to pass an IQ test to use the internet.
Women`s logic: I went to buy a suit. But i saw a beautiful pair of shoes. So i bought this handbag.
If Violets were Orange, poetry would be a lot more challenging.
Ever notice that the first 10 seconds of a medical drug commercial is spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest basically daring you to take it?
drinking 2% milk, wondering what the other 98% is...
That frustrating feeling when the microwave trips the circuit breaker and you have no idea how much longer your lunch needs to be nuked.
Getting told I can`t do something gives me all the motivation I need to get things done.
I wish I had Dora`s mom and dad, they let that girl go everywhere.
No one on Earth has a higher tolerance to cold temperatures than someone who wants to smoke a cigarette.