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"A vodka, please" "Sir, this is McDonald`s" "OK, a McVodka, please and super size it."
Don´t believe all the rumours you hear about me, the truth is much worse.
I wonder what Facebook employees do at work to waste time.
You can run from your problems. Unless your problem is a cheetah.
I could of sworn my pillow`s a hairdreeser...coz I always wake up with the craziest hairstyles!! :D
I`m sorry if I looked interested. You probably caught me fantasizing about bacon.
No, I would not like to join your exclusive membership rewards club. I’m buying a sandwich.
Deep down, we`re all that one lady in 7-11 with her bathrobe on.
I may be crazy but I say if you can`t talk to yourself, who can you talk to.
The wife and I just got divorced. We split the house ... I got the outside.
In Canada, she`s Kilometery Cyrus.
I wish the minutes after hitting the snooze button lasted as long as microwave minutes.
From now on when I accept a friend request I`ll just write on their wall: You belong to me now.
They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. It`s true... The less I see of someone, the more I like them!
OK so i have an idea ............... wait why are you all running away?