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Who the hell is Pete, and why do we do things for his sake?
My imaginary friend is bullying me.
Nothing says God is forgiving like hell.
Yeah, sex is awesome. But have you ever put clothes on straight out of the dryer?
Why is it that flies can get in your car so easy, but can`t figure out how to escape with all the windows down.
Do you ever feel like you`re in Season 5 of your life, and the writers are just doing outrageous stuff to keep it interesting?
People who walk while looking at their phones and expect me to get out of the way... LOL.
Sometimes, you wonder what the hell the music video has to do with the song.
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I...
Office Tip: In a pinch a booger and a small piece of copy paper is as good as a post it note.
My favorite part of seeing someone I know in public is pretending I didn’t.
I guess if you spoke your mind, you´d be speechless, huh?
Doormats are a gateway rug.
If you’re a douchebag, it’s so easy to find the right hat.
Square box. Round pizza. Triangle slices. I`m Confused.