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While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald`s stops serving breakfast.
When I was little we didn`t have emojis. We had to put smiley face stickers on handwritten letters like a bunch of savages.
You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes.
My doctor said he`s been practicing for 30 years. When will he start doing his job for real?
Texting while driving is incredibly stupid and dangerous ... You`re practically begging for typos.
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on? Asking for a friend.
If intelligent people don’t start having babies as fast as the trash in “honey boo boo”, we’re headed for a very dumb future. Am I the only one that sees this?!
I feel like water solves all problems. Wanna lose weight? drink water .. clear face ? Drink water.. Tired of your better half? Drown them
I used to have a life. Then some idiot came along and said "Why don’t you make a Facebook account? It`s fun".
Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the “M” is silent.
When people tell me that I’ve changed, I want to shake them and tell them: “And so should you!”
Ahhh..Sunday..the biggest decision of the day...to bathe or not to bathe.
Alarm Clock(n): An evil device invented by Satan to disrupt the peaceful sleep of otherwise happy folks at a predetermined hour.
Your secrets are safe with me! Odds are, I wasn’t even listening.
I bet Eve bit that apple because she knew she was going to get a bunch of clothes out of it.