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People should mute themselves on conference calls when they are crossing a battlefield and killing enemies to get to the next level.
Remember years ago when we didn`t have facebook and we had to take pictures of our food and get the film developed at the chemist get all your friends round your house and show them what you have been eating ...the good old days
some people just need to be kicked... in the stomach... with steel toed boots
I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of the plane...
I kind of feel like getting some work done today, so Iām just going to sit here until that feeling passes.
I bet Batman`s cape gets stuck in the car door more times than he admits.
Girls are funny creatures. They hate it when you ask their age but will kill you if you forget their birthday.
The dentist told me I need to be more aggressive when I floss so I`ve decided to start growling.
The Never Ending Story should`ve been a movie about a phone call from my Mother
I can`t decide what`s more embarrassing - the fact that I still live out of a suitcase, or that I`m a professional ventriloquist dummy.
That disappointing moment when you pull up to work and it`s not fully engulfed in fire.
B!tch, I will slap you by accident on purpose.
Life Tip: Get a birthday card with anything you are embarrassed to buy.
Since light travels faster than sound, isn`t that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
"I`ve had so much coffee, I got halfway to work and realized I forgot my car."