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Your life must really suck when no one even likes the catfish version of you.
I always get hammered before I go jogging, that way I never go jogging.
People reckon I´m too patronizing (that means I treat them as if they´re stupid).
I got all my Christmas shopping done. Hope everyone likes bunny ears, ornamental grass, and discounted peeps.
I just researched the medicinal name for Viagra..... MYCOXAPHAYLYN
I need coffee in my life more than I need most people.
Someone’s therapist knows all about you.
A buddy gave me some of his pee in a jar so I could pass a drug screen. I failed, which is weird, cause I drank ALL of it.
Caterpillars have it made. They eat a lot, go to sleep, then wake up beautiful.
I will give you unconditional love as soon as you meet my list of demands.
If there is not an open bar and a delicious cake at your wedding, I will take my gift card to Walmart back.
Guy- What`s your sign? Me- Stop
I`m so good, I scream my own name out during sex.
I need a job that pays at least 10,000 dollars an hour.
Did you know that if we laid all the facebook account owners end to end around the world. Three quarters of them would Drown? Hmm ....