Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Calling credit cards "a convenient alternative to cash" is like calling crystal meth a "diet substitute".
I saw a fat kid sitting on a seesaw all by himself. I stopped and waited for another kid to fall from the sky. I left disappointed.
A friend of mine asked what it`s like to raise a small toddler so I coughed directly in his mouth
"Should I add more liquor?" is the most ridiculous question I`ve ever been asked.
Todays hot tip: Boomerangs and Attention Deficit Disorder don`t mix.
I know it`s rude to ask someone about their pregnancy if you`re unsure, but my hubby looks about 4 months along & the suspense is killing me
Would you be a deer and run out in front of my car for me?
There are 7 trillion nerves in the human body. Some people are capable of getting on every last one of them.
If you ever want to know what you look like to the world, don’t look in a mirror, have a child draw you.
My cats always look at me like I should have planned something for us to do.
Why am I always right but people still ignore me...?
Why don`t strip clubs do Black Friday? It would be the one place I would camp out to go in.
I’m pretty good at keeping my sh!t together. Until there’s a bee around.
Every time I get a paper cut, I know somewhere a tree is laughing.
A 5 year old asked me what marriage is like. So I gave him a chocolate bar and told him not to eat it.