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Just found some old sex coupons I got from an ex for my b-day. Any of you ladies take competitor`s coupons?
For those of you wondering what it`s like to be married, I`m on day 3 of an argument I didn`t know I was having.
"How much for the man cave?" "Sir that`s a doghouse." "Can you install cable?"
Congratulations, U.S. Government, you are now officially more embarrassing than Miley Cyrus
I`m sorry, I live in the U.S. so I don`t really get the metric system. How much exactly is "in moderation"?
Global warming is now thought to be a leading cause of documentaries.
Girls just wanna have funds.
I`ve just finished doing my hair, want to come over and mess it all up?
"If Donald Duck doesn`t have to wear pants than neither do I!"- Me getting drunk at Disney World.
Most of the lies I tell aren`t even true.
is procastinating now. Don´t see why I should put it off.
I lost 3 pounds over the weekend, but not to worry I found them lastnight at pizza hut
It`s really cold out there folks. If you`re heading to Wal-Mart, please wear two pairs of pajamas.
If you can`t handle me at my worst I completely understand, because I can`t either.
I`m tired of making the same mistakes over and over again. Does anyone have any new mistakes I can borrow?