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My wife didn`t appreciate me pointing out that my alcoholism began around the time that we first started dating.
Oh you better not pout. You better not cry. You better not shout I`m telling you why. Nobody gives a f*ck.
I don´t like people who can´t make fun of themselves. It means more work for me.
Separating the men from the boys, one mood swing at a time.
I`m too lazy to be a stalker. You`ll have to come here. Bring coffee.
Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot.
If there are ice cream trucks in the summer, why aren`t there hot chocolate trucks in the winter?
What if all this time it`s been Chicken that taste like Frog legs????
Feeding my kid cold pizza. They will be off to college soon and preparation is the key to success.
Another tragedy today in the music industry.....Justin Beiber was just found alive in his apartment. :(
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Why are police men so strong? Because they hold up traffic.
tell your boobs to stop staring at my eyes
I was trying to think of something really deep to post on Facebook this morning. The Mariana Trench comes to mind.
Beer never asks me if I think another beer is prettier than it.