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Its all fun and games until you realize your Capri Sun has no straw.
Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia and you`ll see a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
This bank pen tastes like it`s been in a lot of other people`s mouths
Sorry I’m cranky. I didn’t get my nap in today.
Why do the people with the most annoying voices always appear to have the worst case of verbal diarrheal??!!
I like to log into facebook and leave a status just to show I`m here. Or am I?
Me: "I want to travel more." Bank account: "Like, to the park?"
It`s a recipe for disaster when your country has an obesity epidemic and a skinny jean fad.
I hate when people see me at the store and are like "Hey, what are you doing?" I`m like "Oh you know, hunting elephants."
A psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ. Here’s how it works: If you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you.
Yes I stalk you, but only as a friend.
Time to clean the house. Good thing I took that delegation class at work and I have 2 kids. This is going to be fun
Me: There has to be a way I can lose weight! Friend: Eat healthy? Exercise? Me: No, that`s not it. Keep thinking! We`ll figure this out.
Guys, if a girl invites you upstairs for "coffee," first make sure she has coffee, you don`t want to get up there and there`s no coffee.
Tried to explain Twitter to my 80 year old Mother, pretty sure she is now insane.