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I`ll drink enough for both of us, because I`m just a caring person.
If you can`t handle me at my worst...I don`t blame you, neither can I.
I am currently watching the Holy Grail of horror movies. There are 10 minutes left and the black guy is still alive.
Sorry I cut you off mid-sentence so I could sprint after an ice cream truck.
You see I, I´ve raise a toast to all of us. Who are breakin´ our backs everyday. If wantin´ the good life is such a crime. Lord, then put me away, yeah, here´s to you
There`s never been a lazier group of people than the ones that settled on naming a candy bar "Whatchamacallit."
**TORNADO WARNING** Everyone head to Giants Stadium. Safest place to avoid a touch down.
You can look at some people and instantly know they’re only going to get two awards in life, a birth and a death certificate.
Today I caught myself thinking of you and smiling... but it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.
WOULD YOU RATHER: have six arms or giant antlers? (You don’t really get a choice; the surgeons were just sort of curious.)
Learning how to break wooden boards in karate is important in case you ever get in a fight with a house.
Turns out indoor stone throwing is a mistake no matter what your house is made of.
On one issue, at least, men and women agree: they both distrust women.
I imagine some people are like...: `should I take the shower?...no...I`m taking the train today...`
You know how we smack your household appliances when they`re malfunctioning and it makes them work? I wish you could do that with people.