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Apparently getting injured while in the KISS Army doesn`t make you eligible for V.A. benefits.
Just deserts: When a cashier hands you dollar bills back as change. Hold them up to the light like they do when you pay them.
Sure I have my doubts, but Bigfoot doesn’t have any pictures of me either.
If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek.
My boss calls it a cubicle. I call it a happiness deprivation chamber.
Why isn`t there a reality show called "Security Cams of Walmart?"
My therapist said that I needed to find healthier ways of expressing my anger. So I decided to jog home after setting fire to my ex`s car.
Don´t believe all the rumours you hear about me, the truth is much worse.
You had me at "I hate that b!tch too".
If two cannibals fight, does that make it a food fight?
Car next to me in the liquor store parking lot has a family sticker. She has seven kids! ... I better get in there quick! She`s gonna buy it all.
Some things make you go hmm. Some things make you go ugh! I make you go "Did he really just say that?"
How much would you have to pay a teacher to flunk your kid so he has to go to Summer School? Just planning ahead...
Question everything...Or should you?
Being in hot water isn`t so bad if you throw in some bubbles and a glass of champagne.