Daily Silly Status

What idiot called it the sun instead of a space heater?

How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.

Well bugger... Just realised the plant ive been watering for 2 years is fake.

My doctor says each piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off your life... If my math is right, I should`ve died in 1781...

You know that you have eaten way too much junk food when you start actually craving something healthy.

Let`s fix the obesity problem AND improve eye-hand coordination by replacing vending machines with claw machines, make people earn snacks.

If it looks like a pig and walks like a pig, do me a favor & tell my ex girlfriend I said hello.

I hate it when I write a sarcastic Facebook status and someone who doesn’t speak sarcasm has to comment and ruin it.

News flash, ladies. Men are settling for you, too.

I was the hot single in my area the whole time.

If you’re a millionaire and you don’t have trampoline floors or a giant slide that goes from your bed to an olympic sized indoor pool then you should just give me all of your money because you’re wasting it

MY MISSION IS COMPLETE!!! I have successfully wasted a little bit of your time today :) carry on!

I saw a comedian one time who did nothing but make geography puns. talk abbottabad act.

I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches.

I’m positive that somewhere out there exists a video montage of me dancing alone in various elevators.