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It`s impossible to look cool while holding onto a leash attached to a dog who is taking a crap.
Taking selfies is a lot of work when you’re not attractive.
I pay $200 a month for car insurance, I`ll run all the red lights I want
Puttin the `eff it` in efficient today.
Some people, even in photos, just look like they smell horrible.
I wish I could write `` I Miss You `` on a rock and throw it at your face, so you can know how much it HURTS to miss you
Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.
How am I supposed to show a girl I like her, if I can’t even make her a mix tape anymore?
The people who make medicine clearly have no idea what fruit tastes like
Nobody cleans a house faster than a man expecting to get laid.
Hit the popcorn button on my microwave but none has appeared yet.
The awkward moment when you realise you’re wrong in an argument, but you keep arguing anyway.
People like you are the reason people like me take pills.
Just because I`m nodding my head at appropriate times while you`re talking doesn`t mean I give a sh!t about what you`re saying..
She texted me: "Your adorable.". I replied: "No, you`re adorable." Now she thinks I like her. All I did was point out her typo!