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People treat New Year’s like some sort of life changing event. If your life sucks today, it’s probably still going to suck tomorrow ... Just sayin
Did you ever notice that the doctor’s bill is always a lot more readable than the doctor’s prescription?
Why isn’t “cheating” a relationship status on Facebook?
My bank statement is just a visual record of bad decisions
Research shows that, when someone shouts "Oh no he didn`t!" ... He in fact did.
Get real. No one’s going to form a single line if the building’s on FIRE.
When I was six, my dad threw me into the pool thinking I would instantly learn to swim. I probably would if it had water in it.
I don`t know why I ever signed up for Facebook. I mean like seriously, this dating website sucks!
My grandparents still use encyclopedias to google stuff.
The hardest job in the world must be working in a bubble wrap factory. Can you imagine the self control that is required?
I`m starting to think that some of you are misspelling words on porpoise.
Check this one out.........1
Guys be like, "Lets play 21 question." Girl: Ok, what`s your favorite color? Boy: Triangle, so you a virgin?
When I said I like it rough I was talking about the sex, not the whole entire relationship...
I`d like to give you a big thumb`s-up. But I`m afraid that would be the wrong finger.