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I can`t tell them apart, was that Milli or Vanilli doing the sign language at Madela`s funeral?
Women can brutally and methodically destroy your life. But they let you see their tits along the way so it`s totally cool.
I have one question about Insanity, "Are we there yet"?
I fell asleep at the wheel smh, time to turn Mario Kart off and go to bed.
Made some terrible life choices the last few years. Just kidding. I`m married and not allowed to make decisions.
Well, it`s almost the end of the year. No point in trying to become a good person this late in the game.
If there’s one thing that I’ve learned it’s, that I should have learned way more than one thing.
When I see something funny on the internet, I don’t usually laugh. I just blow more air out of my nose than usual.
And the day after Christmas has revealed that the holiday is just an elaborate ruse to get you home to fix your parents computer problems.
Trust is knowing you never have to look through their phone.
I decided to make a bucket list for when I kick the bucket. Number 1: Wear shoes! Ever tried kicking a metal bucket without shoes?
I`m starting to wish I were a werewolf so I`d have a better reason for waking up nude in public with no memory of how I got there.
"Love your friends, Not their sisters." & "Love your sisters, Not their friends." -By Mummy...
I will admit, my statuses sound a bit different when read aloud by the prosecuting attorney.
My mind is telling me nooo... But my body... My body`s telling me yesss...BABY. Cashier: Sir...would you like fries with that or not?